After everything I've done
by JazzyBanshee
Summary: One shots of life after Ellie and Joel settle into Tommy's settlement in Jackson. And how Ellie deals with everything now. Just some ideas I came up with a long time ago that I've decided to publish. For the ones that are wondering, this is a fatherxdaughter relationship.
1. Maybe you're right

Ellie was sitting on the porch's stairs at their new house in Tommy's settlement  
The safety of electrified fences and heavy stone walls weren't enough to make Ellie forget what was out there. Not like it seemed to make people forget in this safe haven.

Ellie had seen too much, lived through too much. And she wasn't even good enough to make sure there was a cure. They had only been settled in for a week and it still felt foreign to Ellie. The only place she had stayed for a long while was the military prep school back in Boston. And then came Riley's death. After that… well, everything changed, getting attached to places or people was something she had become afraid of. And never did she imagine she would grow attached to a smuggler named, Joel.

Joel had come back from helping one of their new neighbours, Tommy had asked him to help them fix their roof. Ellie had always seen Joel as the fixer. He was like that, he was still working around their own house. When Tommy had showed it to them, Joel immediately accepted it without complaint and started to inspect the house on his own. Making mental notes on where he could fortify certain areas of the house, pure out of habit- Ellie was sure. Even though the place was as safe as it could be- probably one of the most safest places in the world. But the fences didn't ease Joel, he wasn't going to take any chances. Not with an electric wired fence or thick walls to keep the infection out- not even then. She heard him shift in the wooden chair he had finished yesterday,

''We've been here for a week now.'' Ellie's voice came out almost too soft for her own liking.

''Mhm..'' She turned to face him then, looking straight at him. Ellie's shoulders slummed as she sighed, ''Don't you feel like this is all an illusion? Like… A lie these people keep telling themselves?''

Joel leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees, ''Ellie, we've talked about this.'' His eyes seemed to soften as he looked at her, ''I know Joel, but it's just that…''

''People deserve a second chance. You of all people deserve that.'' Ellie's frowned, ''After all that I've done?''

Joel shrugged, ''Look kiddo…'' Rubbing the back of his neck he seemed to think about his words, ''As you always say, 'endure and survive'…'' Ellie scoffed, ''Now hear me out for a sec, 'kay?''

Eying him impatiently she motioned her hand at him to continue- to let him know that she was willing to listen, ''Ellie… You did everything you could. It is time to think about yourself now, ya hear?''

Did she? Joel had taken her all the way to the Fireflies, risking his own life to keep her safe countless of times. The Fireflies didn't turn out like she thought it would. And yet after they arrived back at the settlement, being in the confined walls surrounded by buzzing wires, she still felt worthless. Useless. For one to not get infected, surely there was something she could do?

''I've known you long enough to understand what that look means.'' She looked up at him, ''What?''

''Stop.''

Ellie frowned at him, ''Stop, what?''

''Thinking that you aren't good enough, Ellie.''

She looked at him, _shit. Seems like he indeed figured me out_ , she thought.

''Ellie, sometimes I forget you're a fourteen year old girl. Ya been through hell of a lot. You've endured and survived, by your own.''

''Not true, I had you to protect me.'' She saw the small smile tug at the corner of his lips.

He nodded at her then, ''Even so, you're a strong girl. That has lost her purpose for now- only because the Fireflies weren't able to do anything. You always find something to fight for kid, I've said it before. And I'll tell ya again, because that's just the way it is.''

She turned away from him, letting his words sink in. Maybe he was right and she had to move on. Accepting the fact that the world Joel once knew, the world she sometimes asked him about- she was wondering about. Was something she would never experience first-hand. This was the world she lived in now. A world with infected and death outside these walls. A world where you had to constantly watch your own back and not trust anyone. She looked at her hands then, remembering all that blood- David's blood.

 _That Motherfucker._

''Maybe you're right.'' She finally said.

''It may surprise you, but I am quite a lot.'' She chuckled as she approached him, pushing his shoulder playfully. He smiled at her, ''All right, Joel.'' 

* * *

**Thank you for taking to time to read my Fanfic =)**  
 **The Last of Us is without a doubt one of my all time favorite games. The story is intense and a masterwork itself. I don't own any of the characters, those all belong to Naughty Dog. But I would like to have some fun with these one shots. So hopefully you will stick around to see how I would like to see Ellie living her life =)**


	2. Nightmares

Joel woke up from the screams that echoed through the house, ''Ellie.'' He grunted as he got up from bed to rush towards Ellie's bedroom.

Ever since they had survived David's gang of hunters Ellie had been having nightmares. While they were still on the road they weren't that aggressively vivid. But Joel reckoned that now that they were staying in one place, her mind wasn't as distracted as it used to be- being constantly on the road, seeing the beauty of mother nature taking back what was hers- and yet dealing with death, infected. She was on high alert all the time. Now, she could take the time to let her guard down. Especially during the nights.

He couldn't help the flash of memory that creeped through his mind, _''I had this stupid dream last night.''_

 _''What about, honey?''_

 _''Well you know, the most original one where I keep running towards you without actually moving forward.''_

Joel briefly shook his head, as if that would shake the memory from his mind.  
Opening the door to Ellie's bedroom he watched her trash around in her bed.  
''I'll fucking kill you!'' She hissed in her sleep, ''Ellie, wake up.''

Sitting on the side of her bed he held her by her shoulders gently shaking her as he did, one of her arms shot up in defence and Joel had to avoid a possible slap in the face, ''Ellie!'' Joel's voice sounded heavy and he felt the sudden jolt through Ellie's body as she woke, ''Joel.'' She gasped.

''You're all right, it was just a bad dream.'' He released her shoulders then, hearing her sigh in relief. He reached out to her then, wiping strains of hair that stick to her face from sweat. ''You alright?''

''I… Yeah, I'll be fine.'' Ellie wasn't good with words. But neither was Joel. And somehow they understood each other perfectly. Ellie didn't have to tell him about her nightmare, because Joel already knew who it was about.

David seemed to be tormenting her dreams a lot lately.

''Lemme get you something to drink.''  
Standing up with the intention to leave, Ellie stopped him, ''Wait, I don't need anything.''

''You sure?''

He saw her nod in the darkness, ''Yeah. And… Not to sound like a complete kid or… anything. But would you mind staying?'' Joel scratched his chin, his beard prickling his fingers. He knew this wasn't an easy request, Ellie didn't really like asking for anything. Much alone admit that she was scared to go back to sleep or to be alone for the night.

''Sure.''

He eyed the comfy chair in the corner of her room. ''Mind throwing me that pillow ya got there?'' Pointing towards one of the pillows behind her she turned and threw it towards him.  
Joel settled himself in the chair, grunting as he did. When you've lived like he did the comfort of a bed could sometimes be a luxury. You never knew where jobs would take you, and with the last job he took. Sleep was sometimes hard to find. Besides, who could ever really sleep when you were constantly on high alert?

''I'm sorry I woke you, Joel.'' The softness in her voice told him she really felt guilty, ''Don't worry 'bout it, kiddo. Just get some sleep, 'kay?''

''All right,'' she sighed as he heard her fluff her pillow, ''Good night, Joel.''

''Good night, kiddo.'' 

_Good night baby girls._

* * *

 __Ellie had woke up early that morning. Jolting awake to hear Joel's comforting snoring coming from the corner of her bedroom. She felt herself relax a bit, ''I'm still okay.'' She whispered, carefully not to wake Joel. She sat up straight in her bed, rubbing her eyes from sleep as she did. Sometimes it was still hard to believe that they lived in an actual house now. Where she slept in an actual bed that she didn't have to share with other kids. She looked at the person the snores emanated from, Joel was sleeping like he hadn't slept in years. And it was only now that she noticed how life had scarred and edged this man's face. After all she only knew this rough side of him. So when Maria gave her a picture with a carefree-looking-father-Joel and pretty Sarah she was surprised. Tommy's settlement really seemed to give him a little piece of that carefree-looking-Joel.

It made her wonder what it was like when he was younger. It made her wonder what would have happened to her and him if Sarah was still alive. Ellie immediately felt selfish and guilty for even thinking like that. But if Sarah hadn't died, he wouldn't have lived the life he had lived. And she wouldn't be here right now. Alive and well. For as far as that was possible in this world. But then there was all the people she had outlived,

Mom

Riley

Tess

Sam and Henry.

Living with guilt was common to her. Every person that she had known had either died or left her. All except for Joel. Therefor the only strength she had- the only purpose she felt she had was to be the cure for humanity as Joel knew it to be in the past. Having Joel to help her with that, to be her protector- as much as she still felt she didn't need any. Had been her motivation for everything.

And now, that was gone. Joel's words echoed through her mind, _''It is time to think about yourself now, ya hear?''_

Maybe it was.  
Looking down at her hands there was a moment where she felt the sticky feeling of blood on it. There were times when she felt disgusted of herself. But then again, something told her that she did what she had to for survival. _''Still fucking hate your guts.''_ She whispered, just to remind herself of what she had to do to keep herself safe. Locking the memory up somewhere far away in the back of her mind Ellie got up from her bed, carefully not to make a sound with Joel's bat hearing. She grabbed a blanket and gently covered him with it. He shifted a little, making her completely freeze on the spot. When a snore erupted from him again she chuckled without any noise, ''Big ol' geezer'' she mouthed, watching him for a moment she tilted her head.

He would do anything to keep her safe.  
And she would do anything to keep him safe.

Joel had become much more to her than she ever imagined when they first met.  
 _We didn't like each other._ She thought. If anything, to Joel she probably must've looked like some ten year old stupid kid that didn't know shit. Or at least, that's what she thought he was thinking when they first butted heads with each other. Well.. She did the butting, he just plainly ignored her.

But ever since he had taken her- to what was now their home, he seemed like a changed man. He had grown softer towards her.  
And she couldn't help but wonder sometimes if how she was feeling towards him now, was what it felt like to have a father.

Is this what Sarah felt towards Joel?

But she was nothing like Sarah. She had no intention of taking her place.

 _''You're right... You're not my daughter. And I sure as hell ain't your dad.''  
_ Ellie still remembered that piercing look he gave her when he said that, the way his word seemed to cut her deeper than anything he had ever said to her, much to her own surprise. That is when she realized she was scared to lose him. Scared, because he had come to mean so much to her.

Ellie bit her lip as she shook her head.

 _Time to make some breakfast!_ She thought, distracting herself from her thoughts as she turned around to walk towards the door.

* * *

 **I've re-written this chapter two times now. I can't help it, I'm a perfectionist after all.**  
 **I could talk for hours about how Joel changes throughout the game and comes to think of Ellie as more than just a fourteen old girl. I sometimes wonder how they would live in Tommy's settlement after Joel has opened up to her so much. It makes me wonder how Ellie thinks of Joel, we already know she cares for him. But to Joel she has become sort of his second chance of doing right where he failed to protect Sarah. Ah well... =)**

 __


	3. Good old Thursday's

''Hey Ellie,'' Maria smiled at Ellie as she opened the front door, ''How are you sweetheart?''

''I'm good, thanks.'' Maria motioned for Ellie to come in, ''Good to hear, still having those nightmares?''

Ellie gave Maria a nervous smile, ''Yeah, a little.''

''Hmm, feel like talking about it?''  
Maria had somehow come to be the person who Ellie confided in a lot, it wasn't something she saw coming in the beginning when she first met Maria- a rifle pointed at you will do that.

But Ellie felt great respect for the blond woman. She was strong, strong in a way that she reminded her of Tess. Doing something incredible as making a safe haven for dozens of people was no small task. And Ellie admired her for that.

''No, not today…'' Maria nodded understandingly, ''Sure let me know whenever you want to talk about it, you're always welcome here. You know that.'' Maria walked towards her rifle she inspected it, pulling back the bolt just as Joel had taught her that one day, ''I was actually about to make my round. Care to join me, Ellie?''

Ellie smiled as she shook her head, ''I was actually looking for Tommy, is he home?''

Ellie had asked Tommy if he could help her with a present for Joel. It was something she had been wanting to give to him ever since he had mentioned it to her. But living in a world were resources and certain things were scarce she didn't know if she would ever find it. Knowing Tommy used to be a part of the scavenging group that would set out every week she figured he would be able to help her.

''Oh, he should be at Mason's.''

Mason's was a building a little farther away from the houses. Making it the perfect building for a community centre whenever it was needed. If there weren't any need for meetings it served as some sort of bar. Though Ellie had asked Joel about it once and apparently, it was nowhere near the real thing. But he said it was better than nothing.

''Oh, okay. Thanks. I'll go there right now.''

* * *

''Ellie!''

Stepping into Mason's she saw Tommy wave at her, smiling as noticed him she waved back, ''Tommy, hey. I've been looking for you.''

''Yeah, sorry kid. I had to help George here.'' Motioning towards the man in front of him Ellie gave him a nod, ''Hey, George.''

''Hey, Ellie.'' The man had a strong Australian accent, when she met George for the first time she nearly laughed at his accent. Ellie had come to learn then that the man had been good friends with Maria's father. He was one of the people that found the town near the hydroelectric dam, upon finding the small town that would eventually turn into the settlement, George was one of the few people left that would help Maria's father to do so.

''I actually got it.'' Tommy smiled, clearly proud with himself. ''You did?'' Ellie nearly jumped from excitement. ''Yeah, I asked Max to take a look at it, to fix a few things here and there. My brother may be getting' old but he ain't tone deaf.'' Ellie chuckled, ''I have no idea what that is..''

''Tone deaf? It basically means that you can't hear the pitch changes in an instrument.'' Tommy ducked behind the small bar George was really proud of since he build it himself, holding up the guitar for Ellie to see she smiled from ear to ear. ''Awesome!'' She gasped.

''Right?'' Tommy chuckled, ''My brother used to play his guitar every Thursday evening on his porch.'' Tommy sighed as he thought back of the old days, ''Yeah… good times.'' He finally said.

''Well…'' he said as he handed her the guitar. ''Here ya go, kid.''

''Thank you so much, Tommy.'' Tommy waved a hand at her, ''Don't worry 'bout it. I'm sure he'll like it. Best give it to him then.''

''Where did you find it anyway?''

''One of the boys found it in a farm house a while ago and brought it back with him, but that was before you came to live here. It was in a pretty bad shape back then. So when you came to me for help, I asked Max to help out. And… well, the ending of that story is in your hand.''

Ellie admired the instrument as she held it up, ''This'll be perfect, I'll be sure to thank Max later.''

Tommy nodded, ''Well, go on then. He's probably wondering where you are anyway.''

Thanking Tommy once more, she waved at George and left Mason's, but the closer she got to home, the more nervous she felt about her present. She knew Joel would like it no matter what because of the many times he had reminisced about playing the guitar. But even while knowing that, she couldn't help but to feel nervous.

Nervous and excited.

* * *

Joel heard the familiar click of the front door closing.

''Joel?''

''In here!'' He called out from the living room as he hit another nail with his hammer.

''What are you doing?'' Taking a step back to look at the closet he was fixing, he placed the hammer in his back pocket, ''Fixing one of our neighbours drawers.''

''Ah, okay…'' Joel scratched his beard as he turned to look at Ellie, ''Where you been'?''

The look in her eyes told him she was up to something- either that or she had already done something. She lifted herself up on her toes as she smirked at him. ''Oh, you know… Around and about.'' She said mischievously

Eying her curiously he tilted his head, ''Alright, on with it.''

Smiling she seemed to burst with excitement, ''I got something. And you'll definitely love it.''

'' s'That so?'' Motioning for him to wait she rushed back towards the hallway and when she came back Joel's eyes widened in surprise by what he saw in her hand. ''How in the world did you get that?'' Ellie smiled proudly at him holding up the guitar as if she were holding up a trophy,

''Whaddaya think, huh?''

Walking towards Ellie she offered him the guitar. Taking it he tilted in his hands, taking a good look at it he noticed someone had repaired it as best as possible, doing a pretty good job at it too.

When he finally looked up he saw the glee in Ellie's eyes, ''D'you like it?''

''Ellie… this is…'' Joel got speechless then, not really knowing what to say but feeling so much at the same time. He had felt this once before.

When Sarah bought him that watch.

To think that one day a guitar- a simple instrument that it was back in the day would render him speechless. He sighed in content, ''Thanks, kiddo.''

He turned around, letting the guitar lean against the closet he was fixing, ''You're suppose to start playing for me, you know.'' He heard Ellie say, but instead of saying anything back he just walked towards her and pulled her in for a hug. Feeling her hesitate at first, but then accepting his hug by giving it back he closed his eyes for a brief moment.

 _Thanks baby girl_

Clearing her throat Ellie shifted in his arms, taking that as a que to let go he took a step back.

''So? Are you going to play or what?'' He smiled at her, ''All right, all right, let's go then.'' He grabbed the guitar and walked towards the front door, ''Come on then, we'll do this the right way.''

On the porch.  
Like he used to play every Thursday evening.


	4. Chloe

''Urgh! Come on!'' Ellie grunted as she stood up placing her hands on her hips. ''Stupid piece of-''

''Ellie.'' She turned around as she saw Maria approach with a girl she had never seen before, ''Oh,'' Ellie puffed out some air directing it towards the lock of hair that was slightly clouding her vision. ''Hi, Maria.'' She smiled friendly at the woman who returned her smile. ''How is the fence coming along?''

Maria had had been giving Ellie some tasks here and there, mainly because she requested them herself. Sitting in the community centre all day listening to history classes or trying to participate in emergency care one-o-one - as they called it wasn't really necessary for her anymore. Besides, all the things she had learned from Joel along their travels she figured was good enough to help her survive. If she would ever be allowed to join the scavengers group, for now she was considered too young. Much to her own annoyance.

''Like shit. But…'' She looked back at the crooked wires, ''It'll be done by the end of the day.''

''I thought Frank was suppose to help you?'' Ellie scoffed, ''Yes, well… He's watching the perimeter while the electricity is out.'' Maria smirked, ''Meaning he bailed again.''

Ellie nodded, ''Something like that, yeah.'' Taking a step towards the brunette girl she smiled friendly at her, ''Hi, I'm guessing you already figured it out but I'm Ellie.'' Ellie offered the girl her hand, she saw the girl look at it and then look back up at Ellie. It was clear by the look on the girl's face that she wasn't really used to friendly trustworthy people. Knowing a few things about encounters with human beings herself, Ellie didn't blame her.

Shaking Ellie's hand the girl mumbled quickly, ''Chloe.''

''Nice to meet you Chloe.'' Chloe didn't say anything as she gave Ellie a brief nod. Acknowledging her yet not completely finding her trust in the two people standing beside her.

''Max just returned with the group, no casualties- thankfully. But they found Chloe left alone in the nearest town.'' Ellie frowned surprisingly, ''Where are you from?''

It was Maria who spoke for her then, ''Chloe used to run with a pack of hunters in Nebraska.''

Ellie's eyes shot up at Maria, ''And Max thought it to be a good idea to bring her here?''

''You seem to forget that hunters don't take in kids.'' Both Maria and Ellie looked surprised at the sudden snarl Chloe gave them. Of course they both knew that. Hunters were well known for that, every person that were to venture into large cities would definitely fall prey to the hunters. If there were any kids present, they would execute them and most of the time women were no exception. But the sudden snarl that was clear from Chloe made Ellie feel defensive, ''Exactly, which makes it a bit weird to me that you're still alive if you ever did 'run' with them.''

Chloe mirrored Ellie, folding her arms only for effect. ''Actually, I didn't. My brother did.''

Ellie scoffed as she rolled her eyes, ''Well that makes it all better.''

In the back of her mind Ellie knew Maria would never let anyone into the settlement that would expose them to any dangers from the outside. But she couldn't help shake the feeling that there was more to this girl then they were seeing.

Ellie sighed, ''Well… Since you're inside the settlement already that means Maria trusted you enough to let you stay. Which basically means you might as well use those two hands of yours,'' Ellie pointed towards the girl's hands then turned pointing towards the fence, ''And help me.'' Maria nodded, her eyes softening in appreciation.

Chloe looked from Maria to Ellie and then to the fence, ''You were fortifying it?''

Ellie sighed, ''Yes, I found the break here.'' She pointed towards it before grabbing the pliers from her back pocket, Chloe took a step towards the fence to get a good look at it herself, ''So if I touch this, there won't be any sparks flashing out my butt right?'' Ellie couldn't help but laugh, maybe this girl wasn't so bad after all. ''No, that won't happen.''

Ellie turned around to notice Maria had disappeared,

 _She probably was planning this all along_.  
She thought.

''Can you hand me those pliers?'' Giving them as Chloe asked she watched the girl tug and turn at the wired fence. ''So I'm kind of curious how the heck you know how to fix a wired fence.''

''I could ask you the same thing.''

''Well clearly I can't judging by the way you're doing that.''

Even though it was only for a split second Ellie still noticed the small smile on the girl's lips. ''I'm a farmer's girl. I know my way around fences, whether they're made of wood or electricity wires.''

''Nebraska, eh?'' Chloe merely nodded at her, ''Where are you from?''

''Boston.''

''Long way from home.'' Ellie nodded, ''Yeah, well… I've been around.'' Chloe took a step back from the fence to take a look at her handy work. ''You probably met some hunters then.''

 _I did a hell of a lot more than just 'meeting' them.  
_ Ellie thought.

''You could say that.'' Ellie shrugged. It may have looked like she didn't really care when Chloe mentioned the hunters, but deep down she knew that not to be true. But she wasn't about to let herself throw off by it.

Endure and survive.

That's what it was all about.

''Well, Ellie. I think we're done.''

''Really? Did you fix it?'' Chloe placed her hands on her hips, still holding the pliers in her hand she raised her chin a little, clearly showing she was proud of her handy work.

''I think so, but… why don't we find out?'' Ellie smiled at Chloe as she jiggled the radio in front of her she had picked off the ground.

The radio crackled, ''Steve, this is Ellie.''

''Heya Ellie, how's the fence coming?''

''I'd like to find out, can you turn it on please?''

''Hold on.'' Ellie nodded even though she knew Steve wouldn't see her doing so. Her radio crackled in her hand again after a few seconds passed. ''Okay, Ellie. Stand clear.'' Chloe gave her a confused look, ''Why didn't he turn it on right away?''

''He had to let everyone know he was turning on the fence again.''

''Why didn't I think of that?'' Ellie chuckled at that, ''You'll learn if you're going to stay here.''  
Chloe gave her a small smile, ''I guess so.''

They heard the buzzing of the fences and it didn't take long before the fence they were fixing came on with a buzz as well. ''Yes! Nice work, Clo!'' Chloe smiled at her. Holding her hand with her palm up high, Ellie gave her the five.

Ellie smiled, ''You know…'' Ellie tilted her head as she weighed in her next sentence, ''You're not that bad.''

''Neither are you, Ellie.'' 

* * *

''So… basically Maria runs this place and Tommy is her husband?''

Ellie nodded as she shuffled her feet on the porch of the community centre.  
Having completed her task for the day Ellie decided to show Chloe around a bit. Explaining things she would need to know now that she was going to live in the settlement.

They had taken a seat on the porch of the community centre. Enjoying the sun setting behind the mountains, ''Yes. They basically run this place- you know keeping everything in order and working alright for people to live here.''

Chloe looked around her, Ellie saw by the look on her face that she was clearly amazed by all this. Just as she was when she first came here. They had everything they ever needed.  
''Everyone gives their effort to make this place safe and to- most importantly keep it that way.''

''Hi, Ellie!'' One of the little kids that lived two houses away from her home waved at her as she rushed passed to enter the community centre, ''Hi, Stacey!'' Chloe watched in surprise as Ellie greeted the kid, in the world they were living in now, seeing other kids- especially children younger than they were was something really rare. ''Kids live here?'' She heard the shock in Chloe's voice and it made her smile,

''There are about five families living here. Seven kids in total.'' Chloe watched as more kids approached them then rushing passed them as they entered the centre, ''This place sounds too good to be true.'' Chloe said, her eyes still widened with disbelief.

''It is, especially on movie night.''

''Movie night?'' Chloe looked at her and Ellie couldn't help but to stifle a laugh. The settlement was indeed too good to be true sometimes. A second chance granted by a handful of people that kept the place running. And she was now part of that community, surely she felt right to feel a little proud about that.

''Saturday night, is movie night. Joel told me once that people used to go to the cinema all the time. To eat popcorn and soda's. And they'd watch a movie on a **huge** screen'' Ellie used her hands to emphasize her words some more.

''What is popcorn?'' Chloe made a face, looking utterly confused.

Ellie shrugged at that, ''Apparently it's some sort of corn that pops when it's heated.''

''You're shitting me?''

''Nope. Unfortunately we haven't found any corn just yet.'' Ellie chuckled as she leaned back on her elbows. She hoped someday the scavenger groups would find corn because ever since Joel had explained to her the concept of popcorn she couldn't wait to try it out someday.

''Wait, you said someone named Joel told you this? Who is he? He your dad?'' Ellie went silent for a bit, ''Joel is not my dad. I met him during my travels and we kind of stayed together.''

She felt Chloe studying her, watching Ellie grow nervous at the question of Joel being her father and regaining herself quickly to not expose her feelings. But she figured she failed horribly at it, seeing how Chloe's face went from curiosity to understanding.

''Why are you alone?'' Ellie quickly asked to change the subject and Ellie immediately regretted asking. She figured her brother to probably be dead if she was found by Max and his group.

''My brother he…'' Chloe sighed, it was a shaky breath and Ellie saw the sorrow creep over her face, ''That guy you call Max?'' Ellie nodded in understanding, ''He was the first to find me. The men he was with argued with him whether they should take me back with them or not. Especially when I told them that my brother is a hunter- or was, more likely.'' Just as Ellie thought, Chloe's brother had died. ''But… Hunters don't take in kids. You said it yourself.''

''No, they don't. My brother kept me somewhere safe. Making sure that I had food to stay alive. But everytime he left to go back to the hunters his chances at getting caught were high. So naturally when he one day didn't come back like he promised, I figured...'' Ellie watched as Chloe tried to fight back her tears, because she didn't want Chloe to feel uncomfortable she decided not to press her with anymore questions.

''Seeing how he wanted to keep you safe from the hunters, he sounds like a great guy.'' Chloe smiled, quickly wiping her eyes as she did. ''He really was.''

''But, that's in the past. You move on, you know?''

And boy did Ellie know. ''Endure and survive.''

''What's that?''

''Endure and survive. It's kind of my motto.'' Ellie shrugged.

''Endure and survive, sounds good. Catchy even.'' Chloe agreed.

* * *

 **Yay for the many views and follows, thanks! Also, thanks for the review! I'm excited to write some more stuff. I figured Ellie would feel less alone if she would meet a girl who would become a new friend. I think she deserves that after Riley and Sam, right? But who's this Chloe and is she who she seems to be? I don't know yet, let's find out!  
Till the next chap? ^^**


	5. Like a Frog

''Hey Ellie?''

''Yeah?'' Ellie shouted back as she was carving away at her small wood statue, ever since Stuart from next door taught her a few things she'd been carving away at small pieces of wood whenever she got the chance. It was a good way of staying busy when she didn't have any chores to do.

But Joel had this annoying habit of not saying anything once he called out for her from downstairs. So Ellie jumped off her chair as she mumbled, ''Really, Joel?''

''What is it?'' She called out again as she opened the door of her bedroom, tilting her head so that her right ear was perked slightly outside the door, as if that would make her hearing sharpen.

''Could you come down here, please? Max dropped something off for ya.'' Intrigued Ellie rushed down the stairs, Max had probably found something during his hunt for anything useful. If he did find anything useful for the kids-whether they were books or new DVD's or teaching material he would bring it back with him to the settlement, Ellie figured since Max and his group had been gone for a week now he might have found something good.

As she walked in the living room she immediately noticed several books on the table. Not seeing Joel but hearing him in the kitchen she picked up each book, analysing it with great interest. After all she loved books, she had to admit that comics were her favourite because of the awesome drawings that could take a hold of her and make her run wild, but she could not deny attention to a good book.

She was so distracted that she didn't even hear Joel's feet against the wooden floor.  
''Distracted already, eh?'' Joel smiled. He loved seeing her like that- like a kid should be. Carefree. The settlement made it possible to be carefree.

And that was all he wanted for Ellie.

''Any good?''

Ellie looked up at him only noticing him now.

''Oh, sorry.'' Shaking his head at her while motioning with his hands that it was alright he sat down on the chair besides the table. ''Max reckoned you could use some new books to devour. As long as you bring them to the community centre once you're done with them.''

''Of course I will.'' Smiling at Joel she piled the books in her arms to carry them upstairs. She knew a good spot for them, right next to her bed so that she could dwell on each of their stories after reading in her dreams.

''Hey kiddo, don't forget to be ready in ten, all right?''

She sighed and loud enough for Joel to hear too. Joel had made a promise to her one day by something she had offered as a plan herself- to teach her how to swim. But ever since she got thrown of the bus while she tried to help him from drowning months ago she had nearly drowned herself. Going back in the water- or even near water would result in nearly have a heart attack. And yes, she knew she was probably exaggerating.

But she was that scared of water. But if there was one thing Ellie wasn't.

It would be being a pansy.

''Oh, right!'' She said, trying to sound excited and acting like she had forgotten all about it.

''You'll be fine.'' But of course, Joel saw right through her as he briefly chuckled.

Grunting she made her footsteps sound extra heavy with each step as she walked back to her room. Sooner or later, she had to accept her own plan. But she had come to realise she'd actually wanted do that later, rather than sooner.

* * *

'' _Please_ don't let me drown.''

Joel smiled at her, ''Would you stop worryin'? I am right here, I won't let anything happen to you, Ellie. Now common.''

They had taken the path from the hydroelectric dam back to the snail nature trail. Most of the part of the path was completely ruined since mother nature was now taking back what was rightfully hers, but there were still certain parts were you could easily walk passed the water stream. Eventually they had reached a clear lining where the small river would end up to a clear pond, it was about fifteen minutes away from the dam. But it was secure and you could overlook the entire area around you, thus making it less dangerous for them to be sneaked up upon.

Ellie stood at the side of the pond, the grass was tickling between her toes and she had taken Joel's advice to wear light clothing, in her favourite t-shirt and favourite denim shorts she figured she couldn't go wrong. She wasn't going to drown in those, right?

 _Who the hell am I kidding?_ She thought as she fumbled with her hands.

Joel had already dropped into the water, steadying himself on the ground under his feet and where the water reached just underneath his chest. He was standing in the shallow part of the pond, but still Ellie had done the math in her head. And she didn't like the outcome.

Joel had seen the hesitation in her eyes, slowly making his way to her as he reached out with his hand. He tried to ease her mind a little bit. Completely understanding why she was feeling scared but knowing her well enough to not admit it entirely.

''You'll be fine, Ellie. Ain't nothin' gonna happen, I promise.'' She took a deep breath and took his hand, feeling utterly stupid they were so clammy.

''Just look at me, alright? You'll be fine.'' She nodded at him as he slowly took a few steps back, she followed him into the water.

The water was cold and she felt the cold rush through her body, her breathing quickened as it seemed to grip at her heart. ''Oh, it's fucking cold.'' Joel laughed at that, ''But you're breathing. Even though they are panic puffs of breath, you're breathing kiddo.''

''Yeah, I totally got this.'' Her voice didn't sound as confident as she would have like it to sound. But even so, Joel nodded in agreement and stopped when the water reached her torso.

''You ready for this?'' He slowly released her hand looking into her eyes all the while for any signs of complete panic. But they had become calm.

 _That's my girl._ He thought. _  
_

''Okay, I'm gonna count to three and then I'll flip you on your stomach alright? Now it's important to keep your head up, we'll let you get used to keeping yourself afloat before we get to the rest.''

Ellie was listened intently and nodded with understanding as Joel placed his hand on her stomach while Ellie had grabbed hold of his other hand. If she had to be completely honest, she felt like she was going to die. But knowing that Joel was there was more than enough to keep her from having a panic attack.

''One… Two…'' Ellie took a deep breath, ''Three.''

Joel used the fact that she was holding onto his hand by lifting her out the water and easily bending her so that she was still as a plank, floating without any problem. She had done as he had told her- keeping her head up.

He smiled proudly at her, ''Well done, Ellie. See, ain't nothing to it.''

''You can't see that I'm keeping my eyes shut.'' Joel chuckled, ''Well, go on and open them then, because you haven't drowned. And you won't after I teach you how to swim.''

After a moment she cheered,''Well whaddaya know? I can fucking swim! Well… technically I can't just yet, but I will!''

Joel snapped her back to focus, ''Okay, now keep your arms sideways. Yup, like that, there ya go. Now let's pretend that you're a clock.'' When Ellie turned her head to look quizzically at Joel he sighed, ''Alright then, let's pretend you're a frog, better?''

''Frogs are cool, I can live with that. A clock can't swim, ya know? It just knows time.''

''That's not the p-… you know what? Frog. Be a frog then.'' Ellie laughed and Joel couldn't help but smile, ''Focus. Now close your hands like this,'' He switched his hand on her stomach keeping her steady all the while and showed how he kept his fingers together closely. ''Now don't spread your fingers, you don't eat soup with a fork. You eat it with a spoon so keep that idea in mind.'' Doing as she was being told she wouldn't be Ellie if she didn't react to his weird explanation,

''You know Joel, first I'm suppose to be a clock, then you tell me I'm a frog. And now I'm a fork turning into a spoon? Or am I a frog swimming in soup?''

Joel sighed, he should have known that she would try to play smart with him. ''Would you just listen and try to follow what I'm tellin' you here? And for the record, there actually was a delicacy called 'frog legs', so you better watch your legs.''

''You're totally shitting me.'' Ellie scoffed in disbelief.

''Nope, now pay attention.''

By the way he felt her body letting loose of all the tension he could tell that the banter was helping her relax. And if anything, she wasn't suppose to fear the water anymore for she was making progress fast.

''No, like this.'' Joel's attention went to her fingers, ''Spoons, Ellie.''

''Right..'' she mumbled adjusting her movements. Joel turned to look at her legs then, ''Now, I don't know if you've ever seen a frog, but they keep their legs bend and straightened as they swim.''

''Like this?'' And to Joel's surprise she did exactly mimic a frog's movements in water.

''Very good, you're a natural. Now keep at it, time your arms and legs.''  
He kept his hand on her stomach to let her get used to the movements. Ellie was a fast learner despite her fears. He had come to realise that many times during their travels. And this time wasn't any different from others.

After a few minutes had passed he slowly- without Ellie's notion, removed his hand underneath her. But she had noticed it as soon as he took a step back, before she could ask him in a panic what he was doing he said, ''Don't pay attention to me, keep going. You're doing great.'' He encouraged despite the look in her eyes.

''Joel..'' The uncertainty was there in her voice. As soon as he'd left her side she felt scared again.

''Kiddo, you're doing great. Ain't nothing gonna happen.''

Careful to keep the ground steady under his feet. The shallow side of the pond was Ellie's safe harbour and he didn't want to test her for the 'big kid's side of the pool' just yet. It'd be like throwing her to a pack of clickers. But instead he thought of something else.

''Swim towards me.'' He said while moving away from her. And she did as she was told. All the while keeping her focus on her hands and legs and easily keeping her head up. Joel's chest was filled with pride. Minutes had gone by but she kept swimming, seeing the exhaustion gripping at her he asked, ''Wanna stop? We can continue another time.''

She looked thankful for the suggestion and easily admitted that she did wanted to stop. ''Yeah. What do I do?''

''I got you.'' Joel grabbed hold of her hands, ''You should be able to stand here.''

They made their way out of the water, sitting down on the grass Ellie slowed down her breathing. ''This is gonna hurt in the morning, isn't it?'' Joel sat down beside him, resting his elbows on his knees. ''I reckon it will, yeah.'' He laughed, Ellie grunted as she laid down on her back looking up at the clear blue sky.

''It was totally worth it.''

* * *

 **It's been a while since I uploaded a chapter, sorry for making you guys wait! And thanks for the new fav! Hopefully you'll enjoy the story as much as I like writing it. I actually went back to playing the game after I finally was able download it for the PS4. I purchased the game on the release date for the PS3 so it had been a while since I last played the game. But it brought me on quite a few ideas for the next coming chapters, so I'm curious to see what you guys think of it. I hope I'll be able to upload another chapter by the end of this coming week, but that kind of depends on what happens in real life- work is such a drag at the moment. Funny thing though... I already wrote the chapters for the ending of this story. :)**

 **Oh and btw, No. I did not throw a clock in the water to see if it would float, lol. I actually thought of some ideas on how Joel could easily explain to Ellie how to use her arms and while looking at the clock on my wall I thought of pointing her arms to twelve and then to nine and three, which was totally a weird way to explain, lol. Thus it became a ''jest'' (as they would say in the old days).**

 **Hope you guys had a good weekend!**


	6. Time to open up

Joel leaned back on his hands, he was proud of the girl next to him. Aside from overcoming her fear of the water, she had seemed to be more cheerful these past couple of days. He knew Ellie and Maria talked to each other about things and Joel never asked Maria anything personal out of respect to Ellie, if she wanted to talk to him about certain things he knew she would. But ever since there was a new girl in town she wasn't as much indoors when she had time to spare. And Joel reckoned Chloe was the reason why.

''Maria told me you and Chloe get along pretty good.''

''Yeah, she's pretty cool.'' Ellie smiled, obviously content with herself because of her achievement of the day.

''Good, I'm glad you've finally found a friend.'' Joel had seen the girl a few times and whenever Chloe did notice him she would wave at him. At first he didn't know who she was until Tommy told him. Then Ellie introduced the girl one day when he found them sitting in the living room gushing over the comic books she had.

It had been a while since Ellie had made new friend ever since Sam had died. And back in Boston she didn't really get along with all the other kids her age. But then she met Riley and things just seemed to click between the two. She was this strange, crazy girl who'd she had come to care for a great deal.

But then…

Ellie sighed.

''What's up kiddo?'' Joel leaned forward to look at her. Ellie didn't really know if she was willing to talk about her painful memories. Joel never seemed to tell her anything about Sarah or the things that happened after his daughter's death, so what it alright for her to talk about Riley? Before they had gotten to the settlement she had told Joel about Riley, not so much in detail or how they got bitten, but maybe that was enough.

Ellie frowned as the memory of Riley's death flashed before her eyes. ''Nothing.''

''You sure 'bout that?''

Was there any point in denying when Joel already saw right through her?

''...No''

After a moment of silence Ellie tilted her head left and right, as if she was thinking through whether to tell Joel what was bothering her or not. ''Alright then.'' She sighed again.

''I… uh… I've told about my friend Riley before, right?''

Joel just simply nodded.  
Ellie pulled her knees close to her chest, hugging her legs as she fumbled with her hands. Talking about Riley was never easy. Just like when Marlene questioned her about the whereabouts of her missing Firefly member.

''I never told you how Riley and I got bitten- well aside from how I told Tess that time we entered the museum, but that was the short version. One night Riley woke me up after she had just gone and left, back then I thought I'd never see her again, but she was standing right in front of me, safe. She told me she had joined the Fireflies.'' Ellie scoffed, if she had been looking at Joel she'd seen how his eyes seemed to twitch a little at the mention of the rebellion group.

''She tried to cheer me up, I guess. We'd gotten into a stupid fight and I think she felt guilty about that, so she had this idea of bringing me to the mall. We escaped the military school in Boston only barely unnoticeable. We knew if they'd see Riley they'd kill her and me as well for tagging along with a Firefly.'' Ellie continued, ''The mall kind of had a sentimental value to us…'' Ellie smiled, ''You know it's actually the place where I learned to ride a horse?''

''Really now? That's where Winston taught you how to ride a horse?''

''Yes, anyways, she told me the place still had electricity. So we played around a bit- heck I even rode a fake horse.''

Joel frowned, ''A fake horse?''

''Yes, it was this big thing with fake horses and carriages, we didn't know what it was. It had these flashy lights and I'm sure if it had enough juice it'd spin around.''

Joel thought about what it could be that had fake horses and carriages and something that would spin at that. And after a moment the answer came to him, paired with a memory that somehow didn't stung as much as he thought it would be.

 _Soft giggles that was like music to his ears._

A young looking Sarah with both her front teeth missing,

''Daddy look!'' She called out as she waved enthusiastically at Joel while only holding on with one hand.

''Sarah, honey. Hold on with both hands now, 'kay?'' He said while waving back.

The feeling of his heart swelling against his chest that day.

''A merry-go-round,'' Joel smiled as Sarah's laughter filled his ears yet again.

Ellie made a face, ''A merry-go-round? That's a mouthful for something that has fake horses and…. Goes… around, never mind I get it- I think.''

Straightening her arms she became distracted as she looked at her bite mark. Tracing her fingers over the scarring where once teeth had sunk into her skin.

"Thinking back about how runners had found us, we were pretty stupid. But we were just having fun, you know.''

Joel saw the struggle on Ellie's face. Even though he had always told her they were never to talk about the people they had lost during his job of bringing her to the Fireflies, he only just now saw how much she might have needed that- to just let it all out. Even though she had wanted to talk about it many times before, he had always shut her off whenever she did brought things up about Tess, Sam or Henry. He was only protecting himself from his own feelings, not realising that Ellie's were pilling up one by one.

''She had taken the walkman we shared from me and we were in an electronic store. So she hooked it up to a stereo and suddenly there was music booming everywhere. At first we just danced and laughed, but then…'' Ellie's voice drifted off.

Joel already knew what was coming next. Even though this Riley was just a kid, he kind of did expected a trainee Firefly to know better. But teenagers were stupid- heck, God knows he was when he was about Ellie's age. He would get himself and Tommy into trouble all the time. But times were different, death wasn't around the corner then like it was now.

''We ran. But the runners kept coming. I only had my knife back then and Riley was armed- turns out, she was a pretty good shot with her pistol too. We tried to escape through a window, but I couldn't make the next jump and I fell…Before I knew it this, fucking runner had me pinned to the ground. I fucking panicked and called out to Riley for him- she did come back to safe me, but she was attacked by another runner herself.'' Ellie shook her head as she continued, ''I didn't even realise I was bitten until Riley pointed it out. She was so calm but I lost my fucking mind.''

Ellie got up, grabbing her cardigan off the ground. ''So,'' she shrugged as if she had just told someone else' story, distancing herself from her past that still pained her. ''That's how I got infected. Now you know everything.''

Joel followed her example and got up as well. But something told him that Ellie wasn't done yet.  
Some people might've called it a father's instincts

The girl went silent as she pulled on her cardigan, she always had something to cover her arm. No one but Tommy and Maria knew she was infected- even though immune no one in the settlement was to know about her secret. The chaos her secret could cause was unmeasurable. Thus, Tommy, Maria and Joel advised Ellie to always have something that concealed her bite mark.

''What?'' She asked as she shrugged, the look Joel gave her somehow didn't sit right with her.

''Nuthin.''

''Then stop looking at me like that and let's head back.'' Ellie pinched her eyes at her own stupidity. Why was she suddenly so angry? ''I'm sorry, Joel.''

''Look, kiddo… I get it, trust me. All this time we've… I've been telling you ever since we met that we were not to talk about our history. But I see now that's wrong, it certainly doesn't help you in any way.''

''Oh, jeez. Are you going soft on me now, Joel?'' She scoffed sarcastically at him and she got the right response from him, he smiled at her.

''Listen kiddo, I'm just saying. If you need to talk about anything- something that's not uncomfortable for the both of us. You can come to me with it, alright?''

Ellie hadn't seen that coming, she wondered what made him change his mind that he was willing to openly talk about feelings. Because she didn't say or do anything besides staring at him in surprise, it made Joel aware of himself suddenly, scratching the back of his head as he felt a little uneasy.

''Um… I mean, I know you and Maria talk- don't worry she doesn't tell me anything. It just seemed to me that you didn't get everything off your chest, just now.''

Ellie raised an eyebrow, ''I fuckin' hate when you do that.''

''Do what?'' Joel's confused frown edged his forehead.

''See through me. I've never told Maria about what happened to Riley, you know.''

''Okay, how about we walk back and you tell me about it? If you're okay with that, at least.''

After a moment of considering Ellie nodded, maybe talking about Riley's death wasn't so bad at all. It was still as fucked up as anything else that had happened. But maybe she could find some consolation in telling Joel about it.

''I shot her.'' 

* * *

**So work has been crazy and on top of that I got sick, that did mean I had time to play Left Behind though, lol. Pro's and con's, right?**  
 **Anyways, there was a guest reader that wondered why i had the story on mature and if the relationship between Elie and Joel would change, I immediately changed the rating to 'T' because that's not the way this story is gonna go. To be honest, I find it simply disturbing people see Joel and Ellie that way. So no, it won't happen in my version of Ellie's and Joel's father daughter relationship. I will also try to keep the focus on them as much possible! =]**  
 **During my 'only second playthrough' of LB I've came up with some ideas here and there and figured that after Ellie's lessons on how to be a frog she might open up to Joel a little bit about Riley. That being said, I really struggled with this chapter for some reason. Hopefully it'll be okay enough for you guys to read. Keep those reviews coming, I would really like to know what you guys think =)  
**


	7. Redemption

_''I shot her.''_

 _Joel's stopped in the moment that he registered Ellie's words. Closing his eyes and clenching his hands briefly, open and closing he sighed._

 _''I'm sorry, Ellie…'' He said after a moment of silence had passed between them._

 _''What can you do about it? It's fucked up, right?'' He heard the trembling in her voice. But before Joel could say anything Ellie interrupted him,_

 _''We just sat there, the runner in front of us had completely bled out,'' Joel could see Ellie stare passed him, as if she was reliving the moment again, Ellie continued, ''I remember I kept wiping my arm, somehow the bleeding didn't stop. I don't know how much time had passed and how long we were sitting there. But we were just talking about stupid things, you know? As if those moments mattered to us the most. Meeting Winston, riding his horse around the mall sometimes, the shit we pulled back at the QZ, we always got into trouble.''_

 _''Riley had placed the gun at the end of our feet. We were both scared for the easy way out,'' Ellie looked up at Joel her eyes shining as if she had suddenly remembered something, ''Do you remember those two people we found in the hotel?''_

 _Joel nodded, ''The two in the bathtub?''_

 _''I kind of admire their bravery, is that weird?''_

 _Joel shook his head briefly, ''No…n-no, Ellie, that's uh… that's not weird.''_

 _Heck, if there was a God even the big man himself knew that he had tried it many times before._

 _''We waited, to the point Riley said she felt really sick. When I touched her forehead to check her temperature she was running a high fever. But I remember feeling just fine, I was the one freezing my ass off while Riley kept repeating she was feeling hot, dizzy and nauseous.''_

 _Ellie took a deep breath then, shifting her weight from one leg to the other as she shuffled her feet._

 _''I fucking hate talking about this.'' She sighed._

 _''Do you want to stop? We can just go back.''_

 _''No, I feel like I need to do this.'' Determination visible in her eyes._

 _She continued, ''It was so dark. And somehow I had fallen asleep, I thought Riley had fallen asleep too. So I gave her a nudge with my elbow- Riley was always the one that easily fell asleep and was hard to wake up, so I didn't find it strange that she didn't woke up immediately.''_

 _Ellie's voice slightly broke and it took her a while to steady her voice again. Joel encouraged her to keep going by placing a hand on her shoulder._

 _Blowing out some air Ellie collected herself for the part that pained her the most,_

 _''I had turned on my flashlight, s-she moaned and her body twitched and I didn't realised what was wrong with her at first- I mean I had heard stories from kids back at military school, but I just didn't want to believe it was really happening.''_

 _Ellie sniffed and she quickly wiped her nose with her sleeve, ''She jumped me, I yelled at her to stop and to wake up. But her eyes were… leaking and… she was drooling and just crazy and I- I just…'' Biting her lip she closed her eyes._

 _But it didn't do her any good for as the second they were closed she saw Riley- the way she didn't want to remember the girl she liked more than she thought._

 _Joel pulled Ellie towards him, hugging her as her body shook with sobs._

 _''It's okay, It's okay.'' Joel shushed._

 _She grunted, ''I…fucking… hate… crying.''_

 _Her voice was tormented by her sobs, skipping through her words as she tried to talk._

 _''It is not a weakness, Ellie.'' Joel patted her on the back, ''Not to me anyway.''_

 _Bending down through his knees Joel held her back at arm's length, ''You did what you had to do. That's all there is to it. How messed up it may sound.''_

 _Ellie wiped her eyes with her sleeves, ''Like you did?''_

 _Joel froze, there was no way she could know he lied to her, could she?_

 _''What d'you mean?'' He finally mustered to say._

 __ _''With Sarah?''_

* * *

Joel swirled the alcohol in his glass, watching the liquor sticking to the sides of the glass his thoughts were drifting off. On the way back to the settlement Ellie had exposed her past to him. Now he knew what happened before she had gone to Marlene. What made her so desperate enough to seek help from the leader of the Fireflies. She had no way of surviving if she had gone back to the QZ's prepatory school.

The sudden pat on the back made him nearly hit the bar.

''What's up old man?''

Joel smirked at Tommy's name calling, ''You do know you too will one day become an old man. The grey hair's are proof of that.''

Tommy shrugged easily as he smiled, ''You first, you're always first, Joel.''

Joel tilted his head as he nodded, of course. The benefits of having a younger brother, he would somehow always keep you feeling young or... old.

''So, what is it that has your mind so occupied?''

Looking at his glass one more time Joel shook his head, ''Nothing.''

Joel gave Tommy a sideway look- even though Joel knew that there was no fooling Tommy. He had hoped the younger and better version of him would let it rest.

Tommy turned to look at George who was a bit further away from them, ''George! Can I get a drink as soon as you're done, my budd?'' He then turned back to Joel, ''You two were gone for a while.'' He said as he leaned with his right arm on the wooden bar George was so proud of- which was well known since the man never stopped boasting.

Joel saw George wave a hand behind his back towards Tommy, motioning that he was going to get him one in a minute.

''Yeah, Ellie and I went swimming. During our travels I promised her I'd teach her how to swim.''

Tommy leaned away from the bar as George appeared in front of Tommy to pour him a glass of the same liquid Joel was having- and left. Even so, Tommy still nodded in appreciation behind the man's back

''Thanks, budd…'' He said while taking a sip from his glass. ''You know… She has changed you.'' Tommy tilted his glass towards Joel as he pointed at him.

Tapped against the side of his head he said, ''You see… I've been thinking,'' Once he had taken a sip he continued, ''When you first came here with Ellie, I didn't think much of it. But I did figure you weren't working for hunters no more.''

''Sharp of you, Tommy.'' Joel chuckled as his voice had gone sour with sarcasm. But in the back of his mind, he knew there was something that made Tommy question about their return.

Joel had never told Tommy what happened after they did find the Fireflies. Knowing how him and Marlene had gotten along back in the day he reckoned that telling his baby brother Marlene's fate or the rest of her crew wasn't going to sit well with him.

''Ya know Joel, you can deflect all you want. I know you. And I know what you're capable off. Something happened and it's something you do not wish to share. So, being the most respectful of the two,'' he pointed to Joel first and then back to himself, ''I am going to let it rest. Just so you know, that if there is a possibility this place is compromised. I won't hesitate.''

The air between the brothers shifted.

Tommy didn't have to explain what he meant by that.

There was a time where the younger one trusted the older, wiser person. His baby brother had always done as he asked of him, but now he had more than Joel ever achieved after the outbreak. Thus making Tommy the stronger and wiser man on his turf with hell of a lot to lose. So the only card Joel could play now, was respect. It was something that their old man had taught them that stuck with them for years.

 _''If you want respect? Demand it.''_

Being the older one still counted for something.

Joel turned around in his seat to face his brother, looking at Tommy he lifted his chin up.

''Is that a treat, brother?''

''Call it however you want, _brother_.'' Tommy shrugged without batting an eye.  
If there was one person that wasn't of afraid of Joel?

It was Tommy.

''We dealt with some hunters. Ellie saved my life.'' Joel finally said, the hostility between the two still strong.

''Ellie mentioned this to Maria- and you told me already, so what then?'' _  
_  
''I thought you said you'd respect my decision not to share?''

Tommy chuckled as he turned himself in his chair to face the bar, he grabbed his drink and took a huge gulp from it, ''You know what? Fuck you, Joel.''

''One day, Tommy.''

''Yeah, whatever.''

There was a moment of silence that followed between them, silence followed by peace- but it was the silence Joel was grateful for. Returning to his own drink he intended on finishing it- but before he brought the glass to his lips Tommy said, ''She reminds me of Sarah.''

And that stung.

''Like I said earlier, Joel…'' Tommy continued, ''She has changed you. And maybe I should thank her for that, hell you were a son of a bitch before the outbreak. But you and I were good. After Sarah died-''

Joel interupted him, ''After Sarah died everything changed. I changed,'' Acting like Tommy's words hadn't faced him he gulped the last bit of his drink down, ''I know Tommy. It may seem like I wasn't listening back then when you screamed your head off at me, but I did.''

Joel placed his glass on the bar with a thud and got up from his seat, walking away he passed Tommy and then stopped when he thought of something.

''Just so we clear,'' He said as he looked over his shoulder towards his brother,

''Ellie isn't Sarah's replacement. But she's my chance at doing better.''

* * *

 **Thanks for the new follow and comments! I re~ally appreciate it! :)**  
 **I tried to dug into Ellie's past some more and I think I did okay, I'm a perfectionist so hardly anything is good enough for me. Funny thing, I actually wrote this chapter right after I updated the last time. But when I finally had the time to do some writing again I opened up Word and ended up rewriting most of what I had already written. So, anyways. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. There is some hostility between the brother's. I think Tommy's on to something ;)**


	8. Esther

Esther smiled at Joel.

By the way he chuckled and looked down at the drink he had in front of him on the table, she knew he still wasn't used to her company. If he was even used to any company besides Ellie's at all.  
But she couldn't help but to feel some connection with this man. He was strong and feared by some in the settlement. Heck, there were rumours. Rumours that she had heard as well.

But she had known, ever since she saw the man. That she would never have anything to be afraid of. Not even after what Tommy had told her when the younger sibling found out that she had come to like his brother. Sure, he had warned her that day. Telling her he was a wounded, broken man. But who wasn't in this messed up world they were trying to make a living in?

So she told Tommy she would take it one step at a time. And every step she had taken ever since he and Ellie had set foot in their small but growing sanctuary, had been worth it.

''I heard you play the guitar on your porch the other day.''

''Ever since the kid got me that guitar… I've been doing little else.'' There was that look of appreciation again, which he always had when he talked about Ellie.

And it was true, she could set a clock- if she had one, on the hour that he would play.  
She had watched as Ellie had carried the guitar home that day. With a bright smile on her face and the most nervous look combined.

''She cares a great deal about you..'' Esther wasn't jealous about the relationship Ellie had with Joel. She knew that they had gone through a lot. And when you survive crossing the country in times like these, being there for each other is all that matters. And she knew, she knew Ellie was like a daughter to the man sitting across the table from her.

''I owe a lot to her. And she thinks she owes me a lot. I think that's the main reason she gave me that guitar,'' He stopped, then seemed to think something through before he added, ''…besides the fact that I promised her I'd teach her how to play some day.''

''And how's her play so far?''

Joel let out a raspy chuckle, ''Not so well… But she'll learn.''

Without a doubt, Esther knew Ellie would master the guitar one day. The girl was determined enough to learn anything she could possibly soak up like a sponge. She looked outside the window, the sun was setting. She hadn't even noticed she had been sitting there nearly throughout the whole afternoon.

She stood up, so suddenly that it made Joel nearly flinch in his seat. It struck Esther as a bit funny. Joel wasn't the guy that was so easily startled. But maybe his thoughts had drifted somewhere far away.

Scratching the back of his head Joel tried to act nonchalantly, ''I wonder where that kid has gone off to now.''

''Well, she can't be far. If I see her on my way home I'll tell her you're looking for her.'' Straightening her shirt out of habit she added, ''Joel. Thanks for letting me come over.''

He looked at her, surprise in his eyes but he just smiled, ''I..uh, I kinda like your company, Esther. I haven't…'' He looked around the house as if he could find the right words somewhere in a corner,

''I haven't talked like… We've talked, together- I mean…'' He sighed, ''What I'm tryin' to say is that I enjoy our talks.'' He shrugged and nodded as if he was satisfied with giving in to what he was feeling. Let alone to put those feelings in words.

''As do I, Joel. And appreciate you saying that.''

Joel tried to hide his smile, but Esther had seen it. She wasn't going to tease him with it, not while he was opening up to her. She didn't want to make him feel embarassed. She pointed towards the door, indicating that she was going to take her leave.

''I'll walk you home. I think that's the least I can do.''

When they neared the front door he quickly grabbed his jacket, opened the door for her and tilted his head.

Smiling, Esther nodded. Such small gestures that made her feel good inside. It made her a bit nostalgic too, remembering how her first boyfriend had walked her home on one of their many dates. It made the world they were living in now almost- if only for a short time, feel normal. Being in the settlement, with people around you'd come to know all too well. Having to make it all work, just to have that shot at a second chance in life. It was hard but not impossible. Sure you wouldn't always like each other and there were a few people living in the settlement Esther wouldn't particularly miss if they'd gone missing- which was an awful thing to think. Which is why she would never say anything bad about anyone.

''What the…?'' She heard Joel suddenly say.

They had been walking through the street when all of a sudden they heard someone yell. And she recognized that person's voice- that girl's voice, before she even saw who it was.

Ellie.

She watched as she saw Chloe on the ground, clutching the side of her face and Ellie standing in front of the girl. Calling out all sort of names- none of them polite towards the man that she faced.

Cal.

Cal was a hot head, everybody knew that. And definitely one of the people that were on Esther's dislike list. Although he came very close to downright hatred. She loathed the guy. But, they needed him. He was an important asset to Tommy's men. If the man wasn't that intelligent enough to keep the Dam from running, Esther was sure Tommy would've thrown him off a cliff himself.

Joel had rushed off and everything that happened next slowed down in front of Esther's eyes. She held her hand in front of her mouth, watching as she saw Cal raise his hand to hit Ellie. Only Joel was faster, fast enough that Cal hadn't even noticed him.

He deflected Cal's hand, pushing him back before punching him straight in the jaw.

''You better not fuckin' touch her.'' Joel's deep voice much more sounded like a growl. But the look in his eyes was pure rage.

Cal stumbled sideways, using his arm to keep himself from falling to the ground completely. As if something woke up in Esther she rushed towards the girls. Bending through her legs next to Chloe she raised the young girl's chin up to look at her face. Cal had hit her so hard that the girl had tears sprung in her eyes. The girl's cheek red, judging by how red it already was, Esther was sure it would soon turn a much more darker shade of blue.

''Ellie, are you alright?'' Esther asked as she helped Chloe stand up with one hand.

Ellie didn't look at her. She kept focusing on Joel. Answering her quickly, barely a mumble, something that sounded like, ''Yeah, I'm fine.''

''Joel?'' Ellie asked. Her voice cautious. As she looked from Cal- who had straightened himself, wiping away the blood from his mouth, back to Joel again. As if she was watching him, asking him to stay calm just by saying his name.

Even though Ellie seemed to fall at ease now that Joel had come between her and Cal. Esther noticed there was a small bit of fear readable in the girl's body language.

Ellie was scared Joel would seriously hurt the man.

And that made Esther wonder how much of the rumours were true.

* * *

I haven't updated since August. Life has been hectic. And I remember after I uploaded chapter 7 I kinda got this huge block that I just couldn't seem to pass by in any way. I made a draft of this chapter and kinda let it sit for a while- okay, a very long time. After a while I came back to it and this chapter seemed to write itself. For the ones that haven't seen the bits and pieces of the live show of LoU. It's worth checking out. I'm just going to leave it at that :) I'm sorry it took so long. And I wish you guys happy holidays, merry christmas and a good 2016.


	9. Inviolable

''I am going to need a very good reason to not the beat the shit out of you for hitting a young girl.'' Joel threatened, his voice dripping with disgust.

''You know I've heard rumours about you, Joel. Rumours I am sure makes other people wonder- especially myself, how much is true.'' Cal took a few step sideways, the man loved his theatrics, as he walked around like he owned a stage, acting like he was the king of the world. Protected by his immunity.

Not impressed nor willing to play along Joel raised his arms sideways, shaking his head as he did. ''I am not here to entertain you, Cal. Run along to Tommy for that.''

Cal laughed.

It hadn't gone unnoticed to Joel that people were now coming out of their houses to see what all the fuss was about. But when they saw that Cal was the one that was causing the ruckus, people either walked back into their house. Or stayed to watch. It made Joel reluctant to act on his anger. Because if Cal was right about rumours flying around. Joel needed to watch himself- as much for his sake as for Ellie's. No one, besides Maria and Tommy knew that she was infected- yet immune.

He knew Tommy had bend the rules for Cal before. And Tommy always said he did that because they needed him to keep the Dam working. Joel never understood how and why people accepted that.

A man walked up behind Esther, placing a hand on her shoulder, she flinched and sighed in relief when she saw it was the man that lived three doors down from her.

''I told Jill to radio Tommy.'' James whispered towards Esther while he too kept his eyes on Cal.

''We'll need him. Joel won't back down by the looks of it.'' Esther answered him while she raised her chin towards Joel.

Joel was still standing in between, moving slowly with Cal's steps to keep Ellie and the rest behind him shielded from his pointless staring, but more for any surprising movements. He never liked the man. And he should have listened to his gut. It may have been wrong before, but it wasn't wrong about Cal.

''Cal! What the hell are you doing?''

Tommy.  
In the corner of his eye Joel saw his baby brother run up to them, Maria following in his footsteps. Concern on her face as she came close enough to see Chloe's bruised cheek. She immediately rushed towards Chloe and Esther.

''Maria get them out of here.'' Tommy called out as he walked up towards his brother, giving him a pat on the back, Joel wasn't really sure as to why he did that.

''Joel, I got this man.''

And there was his answer.  
Grabbing Ellie by her shoulders Maria pushed the girl to take her away from the scene.

''Joel! Come on, let's go home.'' Ellie called out, trying to resist Maria from pushing her further away. He looked back at Ellie, then to Tommy, glaring at his baby brother he shook his head. Not believing the bullshit he was hearing. And knowing that he had to be careful… His hands were of tied.

''Unbelievable.'' He mumbled, then turning to Cal-his voice clear again. ''If you touch Ellie. It won't be your jaw that'll feel a bit loose. It'll be your neck.''

 _I reckon you won't be able to grin then._

''I'll come by the house later.'' Tommy said quickly, pulling him from his thoughts. But he did notice how Tommy was diverting his eyes.

''Don't fuckin' bother, Tommy.''

Joel walked away and Esther heard Ellie sigh with relief. Joel gave a brief nod to Maria, a nod that turned into a sign which Maria understood. She proceeded to walk next to Esther and Chloe, leaving the spot next to Ellie open for Joel.

Ellie looked up, ''You were ready to kill him, weren't you?''

''Yeah.'' Joel simply said.

''I'm glad you didn't.''

Joel frowned, ''I am not sure if I feel the same way.'' He then added, ''What happened?''

Ellie pulled her ponytail tighter, ''I don't know. I was on my way home when I saw Cal walking up to Chloe, he was mad, really mad.'' Ellie's eyes grew as she emphasized her words, ''Next thing I know, he hit her against the ground, just like that.''

But would Cal actually hit a girl, for no reason? He would sometimes end up in a brawl at the community centre. But hitting a girl, it wasn't something Joel sought behind the man. There was something Joel was missing. And it wasn't sitting right with him.

Joel looked up to see their house. Maria, Chloe and Esther had walked up the porch, waiting for Joel to open the door.

''Joel? About what Cal said…'' She said, making Joel stop to look at her, ''The rumours?'' Ellie fumbled with her hands. Just thinking about everyone in the settlement speculating, guessing at random what could ultimately make someone snoop around to uncover the truth.

''I know. We'll just have to be careful. Don't worry about it, kiddo. We'll be fine.'' Giving her a soft pat on the back Joel went to open the door, leaving Ellie by herself.

Unaware she was rubbing the bite mark on her arm she stared up at the sky.

''I really hope so.''

* * *

Another chapter to make up for the long absence. Hope you enjoyed reading it! :)


	10. Shifted thoughts

My brother and I.  
We are two entire different people.

My older brother was many things back in the day. But he had always taken care of me. Always had my back in school. He stood up for me when I didn't have the strength to do it myself, more times than one.

He was my older brother.

But that night, that _fucking_ night. When he lost his daughter- my _niece_ -, that night had changed the man I had known my whole life, forever.

He was no longer my brother- no longer the same man that would have my ass for screwing up a job.

No.

I bet, now?  
He was willing to actually kill me for a mistake.

But that night…

 _''Joel, we need to leave.'' Tommy's voice broke._

 _She was gone. Sarah was…_

 _Reaching out to try to get through to his brother, Tommy rested his hand on the man's shoulder. Joel's body was shaking with sobs as he cradled his daughter close to his chest. You could still hear the screams of survivor's from the town they had tried to escaped from. But the distinctive sound the sick ones made were heard even louder. Tommy had escaped the bar they were in earlier. But knowing that the that barricaded door wouldn't last long he had to come through to Joel._

 _They had to leave. Even if that meant leaving Sarah's body._

 _''Joel…'' Tommy tried again, trying to keep his voice steady. He had to stay strong for the both of them if they were sure to survive this night._

 _Joel shrugged Tommy's hand from his shoulder, leaning forward as he whispered his daughter's name._

 _''Joel, I'm sorry. But we-'' He looked up at the sound of a woman wailing as she approached them. Screaming, arms flailing as she had taken notice of them._

 _Her wide opened eyes that had been crying tears of blood._

 _The foam around her mouth like a rabid dog._

 _Quickly looking from his brother- noticing that he wasn't reacting to the threat that was approaching them- to the woman, Tommy had no choice but to aim and fire. The bullet hit its target between the eyes. And Tommy watched as he saw the woman's head fall backwards, now nothing but a shell hitting the ground. He had shot a lot of people today. And he had done that to protect his family. But even so, he knew this night would haunt him for the rest of his life._

 _''Joel.''_

He warned as he heard screams coming from down the road- from where the tavern was. And he saw how the sick rushed through, nearly tripping over each other in the process.

Tommy cursed as he realized they had gotten through the barricade.

 _Now there was only one option left. The one he would never forgive himself for doing._

 _''We need to leave,'' Tommy added, ''Now!''_

 _Tugging the gun behind his back, he leaned forward and hooked his arms under Joel's arms, pulling him back with force. Tearing him away from the one thing that was good in his life. Joel grunted, struggling from his brother as he tried to break free from his grip._

 _''Joel, come on. We need to leave her.'' It hit Tommy like a brick wall when he said, ''She's dead, Joel!''_

 _''No… No, Tom- I. I ca-.'' Joel's sobs tormented his voice as he kept struggling. Whispering his daughter's name like a mantra while grieve was overwhelming him._

 _Clenching his jaws together Tommy kept pulling his brother back. Each step taken them further away from the little girl that was their family._

 _Her short blonde hair smudged from the dirt she laid in._  
 _Her shirt stained from her blood…_

 _He pulled his brother, making him turn around. Making their back's face the way where they left Sarah. Where she would never find her peace. Where she would be remembered as the niece- the_ daughter _, who was just… gone now._

* * *

 _Not willing to walk at first but making sure Joel kept up with him, Tommy kept watching their backs as they made their way to the highway. And out of the town area crawling with those sick people. Joel was quiet. But Tommy could still see the tears streaming down his face. He had never seen his older brother like this. The loss had made the man next to him age by ten years. Sarah was his everything. Sarah was the sunshine of his life, the only good thing that had come out of his broken marriage._

 _''I think we're good.'' Tommy started, ''We just need to keep walking until we run into the military. I'm guessing they got safety camps set up already.''_

 _No reply. Not even a look._  
 _Wiping his nose with the back of his hand Tommy sighed. Although it was more of a short shaky breath._

 _He was trying hard not to fall apart. Because that was the last thing they both needed. But god, it was hard. He kept seeing Sarah lying in the dirt. And knowing that he was the one that separated Joel from her like that- that tore him away from her. It almost made the guilt unbearable._

What if he had found them sooner?

What if he could prevent the soldier from shooting them?

 _What if…_

 _''Joel…'' He tried again. ''I'm sorry.''_

 _But again, nothing. Joel just kept placing one foot in front of the other. Not seeming to care wherever it was that they were going.  
So, Tommy kept silent. Not saying anything as they continued to walk down the road._

 _But he knew.  
He had lost his brother and there was nothing he could do about it._

* * *

Esther sat in the living room together with Ellie and Chloe. Worrying herself over the girl with half her swollen face as she stole glances at the kitchen where Joel and Maria were talking. She could see Joel was still fuming from what had happened outside minutes ago. But he was trying his best to keep his calm.

Pushing herself off the kitchen counter Maria sighed, ''I should get back to Tommy. I'm guessing he made sure Cal's calmed down by now.''

Joel scoffed, and before he knew it he said, ''Do you know that Tommy is keeping his hand above the man's head?''

Not waiting for her to answer he added, ''I mean, you know about everyone and everything that is going on around here.'' Narrowing his eyes at Maria he continued, ''Every _rumor_.'' Ending then inhaling loudly, ''I reckon that also counts for secret's that Tommy is keeping from you.''

He was playing with his brother's marriage. But Joel didn't care. He had been pushed to the edge today. Close enough for him to actually take that leap and damn the consequences. And after that whole display with Cal he had to know if they were at risk.

If Ellie, was at risk.

Maria crossed her arms, ''If you have something to say Joel, I'd rather you just say it already.''

''I actually just did, Maria. But I know you're a smart woman. One can not survive if you can't outsmart the living. So how much do you know about me,'' He nodded towards the living room, ''And Ellie?''

''I'm flattered.'' She smiled without humor.

Crossing his arms Joel raised his chin as he looked at her.

''You have brought an infected girl to _my_ safe haven.'' She started as she stepped towards him, her eyes strong, ''I like Ellie. So I'm willing to risk keeping her here. But you're right. You hear stuff. But let me point out I did not hear them from within these wired fences.''

It didn't go by unnoticed to Joel that she wasn't answering his question.

Taking a step back from him Maria shrugged, ''You know, you are my brother-in-law. And you've always been honest to me ever since you two came back. And I appreciate that. Honesty is hard to come by these days.''

Joel made a face. It was actually Ellie who convinced Joel to tell Maria about her… decease. That she was in infected- but immune. Having told Tommy himself before they left for Salt Lake City, he reckoned Tommy would not just tell that to anyone. Not even Maria.

And it turned out that he was right about his brother. Because the look on Maria's face when Ellie and Joel had told her the truth…  
He had faced infected people- worse of all- the living. But he came to realize Maria really did scared him.

But Joel kept the one secret that could change everything for him. No one knew the damage he had done at the Saint Mary's hospital.  
How he had brutally killed everyone that had stood in his way.

How he had murdered Marlene.

But if Maria did not hear these rumors from within the camp. Then who was the one asking around for them? He had been so sure that he had taken every piece of evidence from Marlene that had Ellie's name on it.

But for the ones that had survived his anger. The ones that had chased them down the hallway.  
What if their mission was finding Ellie no matter the cost?

If that was to be the case, he knew they weren't going to stop.  
Because if Ellie- the cure- was really the only one within their reach- close enough to risk it.

He knew it would only be a matter of time until they would find them.

Joel looked at Ellie who was trying to cheer Chloe up in the living room.

They would never leave her alone unless they got to her.  
And make him pay for what he had done.

But he was willing to risk everything for that kid.

 _Everything._

* * *

The ending was such a pain. I won't say why, because that would take all the fun right out of it. Buuttt~ To be honest, I'm still not quite sure... Even my own suspense of this story is killing me, haha. But I had never thought I'd actually make the big One O! Chapter ten, yay! :D


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